ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
