Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
