She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
if only i could text you this smell
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
