So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
