Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
