I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
