oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
