Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
