first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
