I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
