when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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