She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
