Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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