She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
