i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Randomize
