I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
