He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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