She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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