the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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