dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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