Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
