I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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