I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
