Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
