I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
