I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
