...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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