I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize