i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
