I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
