He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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