This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
