Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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