Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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