Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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