I will die if light touches me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
