i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
