i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
