Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I believe in your delicious
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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