do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Let's paint friendship bongs
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize