The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
