oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
