Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
look no pants
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize