I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet he comes in French.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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