I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
