I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize