Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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