There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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