Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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