Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
