You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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