I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
