She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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