you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
