It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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