I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
