Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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