sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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