You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
