why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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