I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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