oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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