i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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