It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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