just come out here and I will go home with you...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have feelings that need drinking.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
