Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize