yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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