Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
