Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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