If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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