On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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