i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
