considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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