accomplished twins. life is a go
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im on a boat
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