If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
