so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
