so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
