I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
