seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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