Swine flu is the new snow day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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