You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Randomize
