$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize