I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
