wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
love makes seman taste better
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
