Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up under a house in Key West
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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