you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
