So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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