so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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