sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
