She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
