can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
