Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize