i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
